He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
