that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think my fart just growled at me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
