My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
