He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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