Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
