Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
