Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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