just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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