i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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