I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
