coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
