she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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