What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
