She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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