Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
