I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
