jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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