Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
