You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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