The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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