whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
