yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
