he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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