Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
