I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
