Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
