Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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