Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
