Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
