I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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