I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I AM VODKA MAN
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
