I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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