Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
