im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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