This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
