I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
