Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
