unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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