I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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