dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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