ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
