Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
