what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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