Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
