I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
