woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
