but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
