Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
