I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
