if i can run in heels then i can drive
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
